four
trips around the sun.
four
seeds in the wind
full four season cycles.
four
cycles to witness the sprout, bloom, wither, die.
four
whole years since my entire world was scooped up, every single piece, and blown like seeds into the wind.
four
anniversaries of the day that You took the last breath You would take as that one.
four
times my heart has broken even though that, fundamentally, there is nothing wrong.
four
days so far that I have relived that day minute by minute, hour by hour, except the end of the day, I don't remember how I fell asleep.
four
x 365 days I have lived without You alive too.
four
feels like an indescribable amount of time to think about.
four
is much too hard for me to express.
four
tears running down my face right now.
four
hundred things I wish I could tell You right now.
four
thousand memories of You that make me sad.
four
thousand memories of You that make me smile.
four
billion pieces of you scattered all over the world, including in a jar in my room.
four
zillion times I have been grateful that I'm still alive.
four
gazillion times that I love You.
(((four)))
~Aubrey Ixchel
2.28.14
{written in honor of my little brother Nathan, aka N8theGR8. he lived, loud and proud, for 25 years. he died in his sleep, peacefully, four years ago. I think he died of addiction and of a whole in his heart that he couldn't figure out how to fill. I miss him so very much, and am so thankful that I'm still alive to remember him. love you, Hinges.}