Heart of Gratitude

Listening to Whitney Houston sing straight into my ears, “The Greatest Love Of All Is Happening To Meee....”, transports me to being 9 years old sitting in my third grade class hearing these same words sung. I wanted to understand what she was singing about because her words caused me to feel something I had never felt before. I strained to hear what she was saying, but it fell on deaf ears.

I couldn't hear the words because the, You are not worth it, drowned out any hope of hearing.

WIDE OPEN and vulnerable, heart unzipped to show You how it beats, knowing You will never see.

I began watching the sounds You made and shared and had the same reaction I did in my third grade class.

It caused me to feel something I never had before.

Yet, as hard as I listened to You, as much as I strained to understand,

I couldn't hear.

I kept watching anyway.

A secret defiance against my conditioning. A secret hope that it will make sense.

You Are Perfect

Feel The Beauty

Love Is Not Object Dependent, It's A State Of You

This Is The Opposite Of Joining A Social Club

Dancing Among Corpses

Do Your Own Thinking

Don't Expect Things To Be Different Than They Actually Are

You Are Just Alive

Sound Affects the Meat

Being Alive Is Not School

Happiness Is An Act Of Defiance

You Are Time

You Are Space

The Future Never Comes

Do The Next Intelligent Thing In Line With What You Want

Love Is Not Resisting The Obvious

You Are The Cause Of Your Suffering And You Can Stop

This Doesn't Make Sense

Where Is Failure In A World Where Everything Dies?

It's Only Your Own Time You Are Wasting

Trade Certainty In For Curiosity

Where Could You Possibly Go?




The more I listened, the easier it became to hear, to see, to feel, to be.

The easier Your Words were for my ears to hear, the more the volume on the, I am not worth it,


to nothing.

Oh, I see.

I am nothing.

I hear nothing.

I say nothing.

I think nothing.

I see nothing.

I feel nothing.


::in a blink of an eye::

I melted. I expanded. I matured. I was a child. I knew. I surrendered. I gave up the search. I understood. I let go of the need for understanding. I separated. I re/connected. I won. I lost. I was the miracle. I was the joke. I found God. I lost God. I was everywhere. I was nowhere. I fell asleep. I woke up. I laughed. I cried.

I inhaled.

I exhaled.

I died.

I was born.

In the eye of a hurricane, a perfect balance of chaos and calm.

The blink of the eye and then the deep stare straight into the pair of eyes reflecting back the eyes I will never see.



In a Technicolor Daydream World with a Heart of Gratitude


~I Found The Greatest Love Of All~


<3 <3 <3

In humble Gratitude for You,


Aubrey Ixchel*