February 6, 2014
Being a Human Being is nuts.
"You don't get me most of the time" she says at 8 years old. I know she has a long road in front of her getting to know the ultimate fact that nobody is ever going to get her. Ever. I utter a few useless sentences, but know that she will never get me either.
This could be construed as a downer, or could be stretched over the claim of negativity. "Don't be negative!" is the constant barrage of those who maybe have a secret hope that the Law of Attraction is actually something and makes a good substitute for the no God dilemma? I have no idea. So I am left thinking, "Why not be negative?". Or perhaps, the more intelligent question would be, "What exactly is negativity?"
I don't consider myself a negative person. If I had to put myself in a camp, I would probably be in the Glass Half Full one. Which is strange, because I am measuring my hypothetical negativity with a hypothetical glass of hypothetical liquid, but being a Human makes no sense. We can make up all kinds of shit that makes us feel better, to nurse our sorrows over the fact that everything that is alive right now is stuck on an island they can't get off. All serving a life sentence, with nobody in charge and nowhere to get.
Oops, that too negative?
What is the beef with negativity anyway? Does negativity watch out for me too? Why does negativity get such a bad rap? I mean, when I let myself think past, "Don't you think that, it's way too negative!" I realize that it is quite negative for me to judge whether something is negative or positive according to.....well, me. When I judge this way, I'm obviously pretending to be the authority. And I know that I'm not. Wouldn't being "The Authority" come with some kind of certificate, so everyone knew I was the One to Ask?
I don't like it
That bothers me
That shouldn't be
That feels good
I want more
I want more good!
I want more good!
I actually I changed my mind
I don't like it anymore
It's actually really disgusting
You shouldn't be doing that either
I know I said I liked it right before, but now it is bad
I just changed my mind, that's all
What you are doing now is totally too negative
You should stop that
I said STOP!
What makes me the authority?
Well, I thought it in my head
That sounds crazy, you say?
I know, but I'm just a silly human
Being a self~declared Faerie Godmother is not all ice cream cones and sunshine. There is the darkness and the dirt. There is filth and there is grime. Heaps and heaps of disgusting, greasy grime in the game of being alive. I like to think that since I'm a self~declared Faerie Godmother that life is gonna be easy, breezy and happy and positive! positive! positive! Like a cheerleader trying to get her team roused even when her team is obviously losing. Being a Faerie Godmother (especially the self~declared sort) doesn't mean you don't loose your patience a bit. I mean, lets face the facts that even Faerie Godmothers are known to loose their shit and have very rotten days. Some days everyone HATES Faerie Godmothers (especially the self~declared sort). Faerie Godmothers have been known to say all the wrong things, cook bad food, or even be downright mean like a angry troll that lives under that one bridge. Remember? I know for certain that this Faerie Godmother gets tired and hungry, goddammit! And when she gets angry and hormonal you better watch yourself! Cause this Faerie Godmother will bite your ass if you step the wrong way under these crazy, yet not unusual conditions. Faerie Godmothers are tough sons of bitches too.
They have to be when navigating all the grime and the filth.
Life is sooooooooo FUCKED UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Shhhhhhh! I think Faerie Godmother might have something to say....
Life is very Fucked Up, that is true. But only when you are wanting it another way then how life is actually playing out. Believing there is some magical faerie world where you get everything you want and everything just fits perfectly into your perfectly made up story of how your life is supposed to go is a very, very painful way to live the life you are actually having.
The major thing I have learned by being a Faerie Godmother is that the Magic in Life amounts to the plain, boring fact that we are just Alive. The fact that we are all running around on Being Alive Juice, whether we are making sounds about Rainbows and Jesus or telling someone to back the fuck off, it is all what we call just Being Alive as a Human Being.
To illustrate this point, I have picked up a technique to use when I think that life should be another way then how it's occurring. I think it would be fun if you give it a try too! And there is only 3 easy steps to follow.
1. I find a mirror and tap it (to remind myself no one is actually in the mirror).
2. I get my pointer finger out and point it at the reflection in the mirror.
3.This is the exciting part! Where the rubber meets the road, as they like to say. I start saying to the reflection with my pointer finger waggling. Quietly at first, "failure, failure, failure" , I say to the reflection. It feels a little strange at the beginning, but then I notice how my shoulders start relaxing, the pit in my stomach unravels, and the points of my mouth begin to pull toward my cheeks. It feels awesome! I start yelling now, "FAILURE, FAILURE, FAILURE!!!"
It's humbling, exhilarating, and nothing could be more true.
My body recognizes this and responds accordingly. My body has no question. It knows just what to do without input from the psycho negative/positive police inside my head.
That's the point of my being a Faerie Godmother.
It's my mission.
To remind myself that I'm just alive.
I'm just a silly human, and it's okay to just relax.
To be negative, positive, or completely indifferent.
I can suffer my existence,
Any way I play it, it will be played.
And then I will die.
It can't go any other way.
~Aubrey Ixchel, Faerie Godmother