from fog to rainbows*

Here's some of my truth*
I spent the first 33 years of my life in a depressive fog. Sometimes it was thick as night, other times a bit more clear. Enough so, I could see the echos of rainbow light reaching my murky bubble. 
I had an odd mixture of negative programming that infiltrated my every thought, word, and action and it was quite literally, running my life. 
I was a helpless victim to my beliefs and emotions, and it was most likely someone else's fault. 
Smiling and full-on laughter was sparse, replaced by deepening lines that in my forehead and around my mouth. 
And play??? Absurd. 
I knew not of play. 
Even when my sweet little babies urged me to play imagination games with them, my brain would just short circuit and I would get overwhelmingly tired. 
Play was not existent in my reality because I was constantly viewing life through a filter of, "Life is hard, depressing, and difficult". 
Through this lens, the rainbows were distant, and play was non-existent. 
 Fast forward a few years, and I've had the blessed opportunity to have Mystic Hot Springs as my home. A place where the layers of guilt, shame, and unworthiness felt safe to shed. I started seeing my value and worth, and got more and more aware of how my old mind programming needed to be updated to accommodate my new sense of self. 
I went to Hypnotherapy school to learn how to do just that, and have been completely blown away at the power of the mind and how Hypnotherapy offered me such immediate transformation. 
Now I can say I have a life that I'm so in love with. 
I have a life that feels precious, and every moment is a gift. 
I have a life that feels worth living. 
With old ways of being gone, and new filters and lenses in place, rainbows are everywhere and I have infinite reasons to smile, laugh, even play!!!
Which brings me to YOU*!
I want to play with you!
(That sounds creepy, I know, but what if it didn't?)
Along with some of my gal pals, we are hosting a few events this coming weekend in Salt Lake City. 
I invite you to come play with us!
(Learn more at www.aubreyixchel.com)
Much Love and Play to YOU*
❤🌈🙏🏼

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{I AM}

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10/9/13

I AM MY OWN WORST ENEMY

I AM MY OWN LOVER

I AM MY OWN BOSS

I AM MY OWN EMPLOYEE

I AM MY OWN MOTHER

I AM MY OWN FATHER

I AM MY OWN SON

I AM MY OWN DAUGHTER

I AM MY OWN BEST FRIEND

I AM MY OWN CHEERLEADER

I AM MY OWN BANKER

I AM MY OWN HUNTER

I AM MY OWN GATHERER

I AM MY OWN COMMUNICATION DEVICE

I AM MY OWN HOUSEKEEPER

I AM MY OWN SECRETARY

I AM MY OWN COMMEDIAN

I AM MY OWN TRUTH

I AM MY OWN LIAR

I AM MY OWN TEACHER

I AM MY OWN STUDENT

I AM MY OWN ALARM CLOCK

I AM MY OWN SUGAR DADDY

I AM MY OWN SLUT

I AM MY OWN MASTER

I AM MY OWN SLAVE

I AM MY OWN EMPLOYEE

I AM MY OWN FAIRY TALE

I AM MY OWN DREAM COME TRUE

I AM MY OWN WORST NIGHTMARE

I AM MY OWN IDIOTIC ASS HOLE

I AM MY OWN JUDGE

I AM MY OWN JURY

I AM MY OWN LAWYER

I AM MY OWN PRISONER

I AM MY OWN COP

I AM MY OWN PROBLEM

I AM MY OWN SOLUTION

I AM MY OWN SUPER HERO

I AM MY OWN VILLIAN

I AM MY OWN CELEBRITY

I AM MY OWN REALITY TV STAR (LIVE! UNEDITED!)

I AM MY OWN PRESIDENT OF MY OWN UNITED STATES

I AM MY OWN CEO

I AM MY OWN GODDESS

I AM MY OWN GOD

I AM A SINGLE, ONE OF A KIND, UNIQUE MUTATION. THERE IS NOTHING ELSE ON THE PLANET EXACTLY THE SAME.

THE UNITED STATES OF ME.

IT IS OBVIOUS THAT I AM SIMPLY USING ALL THE CREATURES AND OBJECTS AROUND ME TO EXPERIENCE ALL THE DIFFERENT ASPECTS OF THE FUNCTION "ME".

{ON UNTIL OFF}

I AM SIMPLY LIVING AND IT'S NOT PERSONAL

~OR~

I CAN CHOOSE TO DENY THE ABOVE IDEA AND, INSTEAD, BLAME MY SIMPLE ALIVENESS ON ALL THE PEOPLE AND THE OBJECTS AROUND ME, AT A COST, OF COURSE.

MINE TO KEEP.

NOBODY WAS ACTUALLY BORN ON PURPOSE.

I HAVE NO PURPOSE TO MY LIFE, WITH NO ONE IN CHARGE.

EVERYTHING I THINK, FEEL, DO, SEE, OR SAY IS AN ATTEMPT TO EXPERIENCE THE FUNCTION:

I AM.

(none of this is to be Believed. In fact, don't Believe anyone, ever. Do your own research, think it through, and experience it for yourself. I highly recommend it for easy living.)

~Aubrey Ixchel

{nobody is coming to help}

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Without the Magic, without the Mirrors and Smoke 

Without the Self Declared "Likes and "Dislikes" 

Where do I Stand? 

Standing Right Here where I have ever since I was Born. 

In my skin, standing on my feet. 

Waking in the Morning to drink and eat. 

Putting on plants, making sounds. 

Inhaling a bit, feeling release. 

Or Maybe Not, I'm Still Here. 

Here in this skin bag of Earthly Delights

Wanting what I want

Upset when it's not just the way that I thought, 

but, it never is. 

So why am I surprised? 

So, I am standing, breathing, beating

Waiting to Die. 

Apathy, perhaps... 

My Filter, My Experience,

I'm Alone

Mine Alone.

I called up God and he said, 

"THERE IS NOBODY COMING TO HELP" 

To fear the invisible,

To own someone else,

To help save somebody from Damnation, 

What is this for? 

It doesn't exist outside of my Experience,

so how could I ever Know anything at all? 

What gives me the understanding and insight above all else? 

Everyone is Special, So Nobody is.

7 Billion and counting~So many Wants

7 Billion and counting~All gonna Die

All ending up in the same place. 

No rules to actually obey,

Nobody in Charge. 

No one has figured it out yet, so why even try? 

I'm left feeling, like,  so, if I could totally do as I please...

Why not stand in a place of Peace? 

Feel all the Joy that is available to me in this moment. 

Feel the Sunshine and JUST BE. 

Still feeling Fear creep up, but it goes away. 

Knowing I'm the cause of my Suffering, 

and Suffering isn't Mine anyway. 

Protective Bubble, Invulnerable to You. 

Words coming out, nothing gets through. 

Unless I let it, it can cut like a knife

All my Choice, My Experience. 

It doesn't make sense, nothing to Believe. 

Nothing to figure out, automatic like a sneeze. 

So with the few dials I can control, 

I will~ 

With as much Grace as I Know. 

Abundant in All things Lovely, 

'till the Moment Of Death. 

Bring it, I say.... 

'till there is Nothing Left. 

 

~Aubrey Ixchel