Do You know what Gratitude means for You?
For me, Gratitude begins with the acceptance that my life cannot be any other way other than it is. There is no wishing for my life to be any other way, no special hope that I'm always going to get what I think that I want, no being saved from a life of constant change, or being “the one” that slips out of the inevitable dance of mortality.
Everything alive dances the same dance, until the music stops playing and the aliveness that I understand falls apart into particles too small for my human eyes to see.
This is just being alive, and this is it.
Life is boring, fun, easy, really hard, getting what I want, not getting what I want, eating, sleeping, moving piles around, and observing all the other things alive at this exact same time doing the same things all over planet.
No matter where the aliveness is happening, it's still just being alive.
My next thought is, I don't deserve any of it. Nothing happening will stop happening when I die. A few of the things alive may stop and feel sad for the absence of my aliveness, but eventually they must keep eating, sleeping, moving piles around, and will end up dead too.
Of course! Everything is constantly changing and I am just a piece of the magnificent change ride, whether I want to be or not.
There is no getting off this ride.
So naturally the thinking progresses to, if this is it, and none of it is happening because of me, then I am completely free with no one in charge and no test to take. No teachers or students. No special states of consciousness. No waking up or going to sleep. No transformation or salvation. No one to pray to and ask for forgiveness. Nothing to even forgive.
Do you realize what this means?!
I am free! I am free! I am free!
I am not required to believe any of the sounds anyone makes! I don't have anything to do with nowhere to go and no one to see! I can just chill out and do what I like! I can use my own natural intelligence to figure out the next step in line with the thing I want and try it, while not being attached to any of it! I don't need any person or object to verify that I am here and alive, cause I can verify it all on my own!
I look down at my hands and feet and it is obvious that I'm nowhere else.
I'm just here. Alone with my own experience. The way it has always been as far back as I can remember.
The next layer of gratitude is with the understanding of I'm just here fresh in my experience, I look into my eyes in the mirror and think to myself, I'm just here and I don't deserve any of it.
While thinking this, I start to feel a warm stirring happening in my heart space. It flickers, sparks, and steadily the flames spread calm, easy feelings all over the body. It rises up to the eyes that I'm looking at in the mirror and then the eyes start to well up with tears, The tears start to spill over the eyes and roll right down the face.
As they do, the sobbing begins as I release deeper into the idea that I am just so thankful,
so grateful to be alive.
Lady Rainbow*Faerie Godmother*5/1/2014